Unspoken Pleasure

Standing in the same kitchen that my lover, Scottie had ravished me, I pondered where my life was taking me. I now realized how little I knew about myself. It's like Scottie turned the light switch on in my heart. Suddenly I saw the light of day, all that I had been missing, all that I thirsted for! I thought, girl there is nothing to feel guilty about. True my lover was a young man but he was mature beyond his years. It's like everything became clear to me not only in my heart but in my mind.

I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay and went outside to my backyard lanai. My daughter and her friends had left long ago. My so called "husband" was still at the club with his buddies. I'm done with his iciness and lack of affection that has been so common in my marriage. As I sat outside, I thirsted for Scottie's touch. I wanted so much just to cuddle in his arms. I felt a soft warm glow flow within me. I knew what I needed to do.

Just as I was basking in the warmth and glow of my dreams I heard the lanai door slide open, "Andrea we need to talk about this morning."

Somehow the anger I felt earlier today was gone. I knew what I needed to do so I didn't want to waste any energy. I closed my eyes and said, "Okay John, what do you want to talk about?"

He immediately jumped in on me, "Andrea I don't understand what got into you this morning. All I did was asked what was for breakfast?"

I sighed knowing he doesn't get it. I opened my eyes and glanced up at him. I calmly asked him, "John when was the last time you kissed me? For that matter when was the last time you hugged me? Easier than that, when did you last look at me with the love and desire a husband should have for his wife?"novelbin

He responded defensively, "Andrea where is this coming from? You know I love you. We've been married for 17 years. For gods sakes what do I have to do? I've provided for you and our family. What the fuck is going on with you?" I stood up and stared at him with a new found confidence, "John, I don't know that you love me! You never show me any affection, you never tell me how you feel about me. Even on the rare days you are home, your mind is elsewhere. I don't want this life anymore. John I want you to move out. I need, no I want time and space to search through my feelings. Maybe I'll find that I need you back in my life. But right now, this might sound ironic to you, but I desperately need some alone time. So please pack up whatever you need and go do whatever you do when you are never home."

John looked at me finally understanding the gravity of the situation, "Please Andrea don't do this. Don't throw away 17 years of a wonderful life. Please baby."

I felt sorry for him as I think he finally got what I was saying. I shook my head and said, "John, please grab what you need and go sleep in another bedroom. I need my alone time. Please don't make this more difficult than it already is"

I brushed past him and walked inside. I went into the kitchen and waited for him to go upstairs. I closed my eyes and felt a sense of relief rushing through me. It felt exhilarating and liberating. I hoped that I was doing the right thing. In my heart of hearts I knew I was. I heard him go up the stairs. I waited for awhile before heading upstairs into my bedroom. I closed and locked the door. Closing and locking the door to this part of my life. Excited and overwhelmed to face my new life.

I collapsed on my bed. Emotionally exhausted but confident I made the right decision. I once again closed my eyes and allowed myself to dream. Dream to be loved, dream to be desired, dream to be wanted. I was so worked up that I didn't think I would be able to fall asleep.

I was awaken by several knocks on my bedroom door. It was already morning. I chuckled to myself for thinking I wouldnt be able to fall asleep. I heard John pleading, "Andrea please let me in so we can talk. Please Andrea don't do this." I got up, still in my ratty tee shirt and cut off sweats from yesterday, and opened the door. John rushed in and said, "Sweetheart I'm sorry I made you feel this way. Let me show you I can change." "John, I need to be away from you. I need time to think about my future. I need you to leave."

John whimpered, "Where am I supposed to go? This is my house too!"

I glared at him and said, "John I don't care where you go as long as it is out of this house. Go wherever you went all the years you were never around. You're a big boy. Figure it out. Please leave now!"

His attitude suddenly changed, "Fine Andrea! If this is what you want then this is what you'll get but don't come running to me when you change your mind! It might be too late!"

I snapped, "Get the fuck out now asshole. Get out of here and leave me the fuck alone. That shouldn't be too hard for you since that's all you did for 17 years, left me alone."

He walked out and I slammed the door shut. Any reservations I had about I was doing were now gone. I suddenly felt very invigorated. I started the shower and pulled off my grungy clothes from yesterday. Hopping into the hot spray, I let myself bask in its warmth. I needed to let Ginny know what happened but I suspect she overheard parts of our arguments.

As I dried off my mind wandered off to Scottie. I couldn't wait to see him. I immediately got excited knowing that we were going to spend some alone time together. I wanted to get to know this young man better and we had the better part of the day all to ourselves. I dressed and headed downstairs to make some coffee.

As I sipped my coffee I heard Ginny coming down the stairs. She came over and gave me a longer hug than normal saying, "Are you okay Mom?" I smiled and held her hug.

"I'm fine. How much of the argument did you hear?" I asked.

Looking at me with sad eyes she whimpered, "Most of it. I feel so bad."

I held her tight and said, "I know you do honey but I had to do this. I can't stand our life the way it is. Please understand. I'll always be here for you. Nothing will change that." She surprised me by saying, "You're right mom. It's not like dad is around much anyways. I'll be okay."

She scurried along getting all her gear for school before turning and saying, "I have to go school now. Will you be okay?"

"Yes, go on you don't want to be late. See you tonight."

As she left I felt a certain pride knowing that I had done a good job of raising our daughter. She would be fine with this. We will get through this together.

I texted Scottie, "Good Morning Scottie."

My phone pinged, "Good Morning gorgeous."

I immediately felt little wisps developing inside me.

I texted, "It's 8:00 now. How about coming over around 9:00. Bring your bathing suit."

He texted, "Can't wait. See you soon."

I went upstairs to change into my bathing suit when the thought crossed my mind, do I have any suits that are not matronly? Shit! Oh well I'll see what I can come up with. Maybe I won't need one. Haha.

As I suspected, my choices were limited. Definitely not doing a one piece. I found a couple of bikinis that were okay and then I found and old one that definitely was not okay! Might as well try the one that wasn't okay. I'm pretty sure I might have outgrown it as it looked pretty tiny compared to the others. It was your old time black string bikini. I can't believe I actually wore this. I can't believe I kept this! It has to be over 15 years old.