Unspoken Pleasure

I felt someone shaking my shoulders saying, "Mom wake up and go to bed. "I must have fallen asleep in the family room. I looked up at her through my squinty eyes and said, "What time is it?"

She replied, "It's 8:00. You really need to get a life. Sitting here everyday doing nothing is not healthy and frankly quite boring mom. Mom you are way too young to be asleep at 8:00."

I laughed and said, "You're right dear. I must live a boring life." thinking if she only knew.

"I'm serious mom what are you going to do when I'm off to college? I worry about you."

I got up and gave her a hug and whispered, "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. How was the lake?"

"It was a blast but probably not as much fun as last night was for you" she pried.

I kissed her cheek and said, "Probably. I'm going to go upstairs and catch up on my sleep. Good night honey. I love you." I left and heard her whine, "Come on Mom! I know something happened the other night. Please tell me." Inwardly I smiled as I waved my hand without turning and headed up the stairs. My god I don't know how much more of this I can take! I'm worn out. I got ready for bed knowing that tomorrow I would have to deal with Emma and my husband. So much for a good nights sleep.

I woke up feeling refreshed. I guess 12 hours of sleep will do the trick. It was still early so I decided to grab a cup of coffee and enjoy some quiet time in the backyard. I put on my robe and went downstairs. Seeing it was only 7:00 I did not expect Ginny to be up for a while.

As I sat in my outdoor lanai I couldn't help think how much I loved my backyard. For that matter, my home. Our house was back off from the road so the long driveway afforded us some privacy which really came into play with our backyard. The houses to our left and right were far enough away that we had a very secluded backyard. Throw in the 10ft tall privacy hedges on all sides and it was like our own mini oasis. The back of our yard backed up to a nature preserve which added to the ambiance.

Looking down off our lanai I marveled at our in ground pool and spa. It was an expensive maintenance issue being that we were in a winter climate but those precious summer months made it all worthwhile. I wonder once Ginny went off to college if it made sense to keep such a large home. Hell I wonder now if it made any sense since for all practical purposes there were really only two of us living here.

As I sipped my coffee my thoughts turned to Scottie. I can't believe how often he pops into my head. I am so fortunate that he saw me Friday night. I had way too much to drink. Who knows what would have happened if it had been someone else that wasn't the kind soul that Scottie was. He makes me feel special. It's like he actually wants to hear what I have to say. Looking back on the last 17 years of married life, I am troubled that I can't remember having any of the feelings I'm having right now.

No wonder my daughter is worried about me. I'm beginning to realize what I had long neglected to face up to. I was no longer in love with my husband. I don't even know when I fell out of love because my life has been so mundane and vanilla that I never had anything to compare it to. I'm not sure if I should be angrier at me for living all these years in a lonely existence or at my husband for not realizing how his lack of attention and affection has affected me, our marriage, and our daughter. God this is so fucked up!

I closed my eyes and dreamt what it would have been like if for the last 17 years he had made me feel like Scottie had done in the last two days. Even Scottie saw the loneliness of my existence back when he was in high school. I'm sure Ginny saw it as well. Heck she also is lacking her father's attention and affection as well. God this is so fucked up. I have to stop thinking like this.

I went inside and started to make breakfast for Ginny and I. Eggs and bacon are always a good start in our household. Sure enough it didn't take long before my little girl came downstairs smelling the bacon. "Hi mom," she said as she rubbed her eyes, "what's for breakfast?"

I went to her and gave her a big hug. Not sure why. Probably feeling guilty. Who knows why. I whispered, "Your favorite eggs and bacon."

I poured her a cup of coffee and said, "What's on your agenda today?"

She groaned and gave me a typical 17 year old answer, "Mom, seriously? It's not even 9:00. Can you please just let me wake up before you start with the questions?"

I ignored her bratty comment! She is my daughter and I know she loves me. I grabbed a plate spooned some eggs and some strips of bacon and slid it front of her, "Bon Appetit!"novelbin

I grabbed myself some eggs and bacon and sat down next to her. I laughed inwardly as I saw her pick at her plate with eyes half shut. She does have a little ham in her I thought. Finally she looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean to lash out at you."

Oh bless my heart. I grabbed her hand and said, "It's okay."

She smiled and said, "Now will you tell me what happened Friday night?"

She is definitely persistent but I made up my mind to tell her as much of the truth as I could. I started, "First of all I probably had too much to drink thanks to Emma bringing over some sort of Lime Rickey concoction. By the time we got there I was pretty buzzed and feeling a little uneasy." "Why mom?"

"Like I told you yesterday the crowd was very young and not my style. I didn't know anyone and I found myself sitting alone at the bar as I watched Emma dance her heart away. I wanted to go home but I left my phone at home so i couldnt call Uber and Emma drove. So i was stuck sitting by myself at the bar. Fortunately for me a young man who lives down the street saw me and came over. After awhile he sensed I needed to go home so he took me home. I was a little wobbly when we got here so he offered to stick around until I was feeling better. We took the couch cushions and sat on the floor playing word games until I finally felt good enough to go upstairs by myself. That's why the door was unlocked. That's it! Thats your cool mom's wild night!"

Ginny jumped in, "Who was it? Do I know him?"

I replied, "His name is Scott Miller. They live 6 houses down the street on the opposite side. He is older than you so I don't think you know him. You were not in high school when he was there."

"Mom? Are you fucking kidding me? Scott Miller picked you up? He is such a stud! Everyone is dying to hook up with him. Seriously mom. You are so lucky!"

I laughed and said, "First of all he didn't pick me up,(oops a big lie) and second how do you know him? He is way older than you young lady!"

"Mom a girl can dream! He is so hot! Did you notice his blue eyes or where you too drunk?"

I smirked and to teach her a lesson I said, "Sweetie a woman is never too drunk to notice piercing blue eyes in a man.(oops I was being so naughty)"

I laughed as her mouth dropped wide open! I got up and said, "What? You wanted to know what happened Friday night and I told you. Can we now drop it and move on?"

She looked up and said, "Oh mom you are so cool! I'm so glad you are my mom!"