I’m numb
I left Ivan, and he made no effort to stop or chase after me. There was nothing he could do to change my decision.
Given his past actions, did he truly believe I would entertain his proposal? It felt like I was permitting him to inflict more pain on me. He needed to understand that I was no longer the delicate wife who could empathize with him, even during moments of distress. I am no longer that person.
I showered before joining Heather in bed, but despite a bit of alcohol, sleep eluded me. Frustrated, I rose to engage in some work.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.
Reflecting on the situation, I shook my head in disbelief. Damn you, Ivan! All you ever did was play with my emotions. It would have been okay if there weren’t a child involved. Even Heather, you’re messing with her mind.
***
I woke up to the realization that Heather was no longer beside me. Despite the throbbing pain in my head, I compelled myself to rise and tend to my child; it was already eight in the morning, and she might be hungry. After freshening up and tying my hair up, I descended the stairs.
Rachelle and I locked eyes; she arched an eyebrow at me. I harbored numerous questions, but I decided they could wait.
“Heather is in the kitchen with your husband,” she muttered.
Husband? Oh, right, I have a husband-a husband who did nothing but hurt me.
I peered into the kitchen. Ivan was feeding our daughter.
“You should eat too, Daddy.”
“I’ll eat later, baby. Your mommy and I will eat together.”
“Do you love Mommy?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Are you not leaving anymore?”
He shook his head.
“Would you live here on the island too?”
“If I have to, I would.”
The child pouted, then allowed Ivan to feed her. I returned to the living room where Chelle was lounging, staring off into space.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yup.” She took a sip of her coffee and resumed her vacant gaze.
“Do you know Angus and Huxley?” I inquired.
She sighed, “Yeah,” and then shrugged.
“How?”
“Long story, don’t bother asking.” She instead asked, “What’s going on with your husband? I was the one getting tired of your on-and-off relationship. He’d leave, then come back-leave, then come back. It’s exhausting.”
“He proposed,” she said with a bitter chuckle.
“I didn’t accept it,” I said with a sad smile. It felt like I was becoming just an option for him. He claimed to love me, but why did it feel otherwise?
“Because his mind was messed up. You’re not his main priority; he sees you as someone he can easily set aside and return to whenever it suits him. Tsk!”
Chelle was right.
“Challenge him. Let him earn your affection and dispel any doubts in your heart. Although it was early in the morning, it felt excessively dramatic.”
We shared a laugh.
“Alright, I’ll go upstairs and take a shower,” she said.
I remained seated, gazing outside.
“Mommy, you’re awake!”
I turned around with a smile to see my daughter. Her daddy was carrying her.
“Good morning, baby.”
“Good morning, Mommy. I’ve already finished breakfast. Daddy fed me.”
“Did you eat a lot?”
“Yes, Mommy. I’m full. Look.” She pointed to her round belly.
“My baby’s belly is big.”
She grinned, laying down on my thigh, and Ivan sat beside me.
“Good morning, love.”
I didn’t react.
“Mommy, he said good morning. Say good morning, love, too.”
And she even instructed me on how to reply to her father.
“Good morning, love,” I said without much emotion.
“Do you love daddy too, Mommy?”
“Yes, loved,” I replied, emphasizing the last word to convey the sentiment to her father. Heather giggled, still seemingly thrilled. My sweet, innocent baby.
“Heather wants to go swimming now,” Ivan said.
“Okay, I’ll just change her clothes, and then you can go.”
“You and Daddy, go ahead and eat first, Mommy. He’s hungry.”
“I’m not hungry yet,” I protested, but suddenly my stomach grumbled. I suppressed the blush on my cheeks with squinted eyes.
“Let’s eat first,” Ivan kindly invited me.
Just then, Lucinda appeared. The girl had just woken up, yawning. Her hair was messy, and it seemed like she hadn’t freshened up yet.
“Lucinda, join us for breakfast.”
“Sure babe.” She went ahead into the kitchen and set the table, with Ivan and me following.
“Oh, Ivan, what brings you here?”
Ivan forced a smile. Lucinda shook her head, walked to the sink, and rinsed her face.
“Are you both okay?” she asked me. She wasn’t smiling. Like Chelle, she seemed annoyed with what was happening.
“That’s great! You should be making it challenging for him. He’s exhausting us by constantly leaving him.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes.
I responded with a faint smile.
We lapsed into silence once more as we ate. After finishing, I took the initiative to wash the dishes. I instructed her to get Heather ready as they were heading for a swim. If I took on that task, Heather would undoubtedly persistently ask me to join them.
I couldn’t help but feel irritated with her father. The child might pick up on it. Even though I harbored some anger towards him, I didn’t want Heather to witness or sense it. I desired for her to foster a positive relationship with her father. Despite the uncertainty in my relationship with Ivan, I hoped their bond would stay strong.
As I wiped the table, Ivan appeared. “We’re going. You really won’t come?”
I shook my head. “You go ahead. Keep a close eye on her. Did you bring some sunscreen?”
“Yeah.”
I continued with my task.
After they left, I promptly headed to my room. I took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. Carrying my laptop downstairs, I settled into work while anticipating Ivan and Heather’s return.
Lucinda and Chelle had returned to the living room. My friend maintained her silence, while Lucinda had been observing her for quite some time.
“Why does it seem like you’re lost in thought, sis?” The gossip in me couldn’t resist.
“I was contemplating a new project,” Chelle responded, but I knew her well, something was bothering her.
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” She raised an eyebrow at us.
“By the way, what about Almira?”
“She left, evading her husband’s discovery of the secret she concealed. Almira has a husband in pursuit of her… Myla, having pushed hers away, now finds herself pursued by her husband too. Soon, she will be chased once more.”
I rolled my eyes at that comment.
Lucinda turned her attention to Chelle. “How about you, sis? Do you have an ex chasing after you?”
“You know, you’d make a good writer,” Chelle teased her. “Just follow Ivan and Heather over there.”
“Sure. So I can stroll around too. I feel confined at the moment. Your company is rather unexciting,” Lucinda replied.
We worked quietly. Strangely, I’m not sad now. I’m not happy either, and I’m certainly not thrilled that Ivan was here, attempting to win me over again. The annoyance outweighs anything else, but even so, I managed to work well.
The sun beat down fiercely as the father and daughter, accompanied by Lucinda, arrived. Heather wore a furrowed expression that left me perplexed.
“I’ll just help Heather freshen up,” Lucinda remarked. I arched an eyebrow, sensing an air of gossip.
“Heather?” I inquired as Lucinda descended by herself.
“Her dad is coaxing her.”
“Why?”
“Some tourists appeared to be Ivan’s high school batchmates, particularly girls. One of them is Ivan’s ex. When they spotted Heather, they assumed she was Ivan and Maureen’s daughter.”
I winced; Heather was likely deeply upset.
“Then the kid walked out. Your daughter recalled the chaos in the mansion when Maureen suddenly arrived.”
Poor Heather.
Despite my concern, I allowed Ivan to take charge of calming his daughter. After an hour, Ivan descended.
He sat beside me. Those two women accompanying me hastily made their escape.
“I’m sorry, Myla. Promise, this time I’ll behave.” His voice broke. “I can’t live without the two of you.”
He received no reaction from me.
“I know you can live without me. You can raise Heather on your own, but the thought of growing old without you hurts. I’m sorry; it’s not my intention to hurt you. After what Maureen did, my conscience bothered me. I think I need therapy because of what happened. I won’t leave. I won’t abandon you. I won’t push you away.”
Unable to bear it any longer, he hugged me, crying on my shoulder.
“Sorry. Sorry. I promised to become a better spouse for you. I will be the husband and lover that you deserve. Sorry, Myla. Sorry, love.”
I remained still and untouched, unable to cry, feeling numb. Ivan’s words and tears appeared to have no impact on me.
And I know he could feel it, which is why he cried even more. He caressed my back, holding my hand.
He knelt in front of me, looking up at me, and I responded with cold eyes.
“Myla. Sorry. Sorry.”
I remained still as he knelt in front of me. His kneeling failed to affect me.
He sobbed continuously. I acknowledge his pain, but it doesn’t change anything. He’s responsible for all of this. If only he had made wiser decisions, we wouldn’t be in this situation. His recklessness led us to where we are now.
I’m tired. If he wanted to win me back, he should pray for a miracle.