Sold to my crush

Lily’s POV

“Well seeing as this test came out positive, a blood test is also necessary. What do you think Alex?” Dr. Jones said with a small smile.

She had been by the table for a while, giving us some privacy to talk or just have a little celebration about the news but I guess we both were delusional. Alex and I had not said a word to each other.

He had been staring into space and I’m certain he did not even hear Dr. Jones’ question because he didn’t even recognize the fact that she was standing right in front of us. Or maybe he did but decided to just ignore her. I wouldn’t put it past him.

“Alex”. She tried to get his attention again when he seemed to be still lost in his head or whatever.

She cleared her throat loudly and that seemed to do the trick. His grey eyes fluttered and he finally acknowledged her.

“I asked you a question”. Dr. Jones said in an edgy voice while eyeing him skeptically.Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org

He raised his head and gave her a bored look that just got me confused cause why the hell was he acting like he would be rather be anywhere else. “What is it?”, He asked Dr. Jones in a strained voice.

“I asked if it was okay to get some blood samples from your wife and run a lab pregnancy test too”. Dr. Jones ignored his attitude and responded.

“Yeah, whatever”. He sighed and waved her off. All this time he didn’t even acknowledge that I seated by his side. He didn’t even look at me when Dr. Jones talked about me. It was as though I was non existent.

He just rubbed his hands on his face and bent his head down. The fact that he looked stressed all of a sudden annoyed and confused me so much cause what on earth was stressing him out. Was it me?, was it our baby?.

My thoughts were cut short when Dr. Jones held my hands and helped me up from the bed. She guided me to the table and I followed her obediently. I was still too stunned about Alex’s reaction to say or do anything.

When I had sat down on the chair. She whipped out a syringe and signaled for me to put my hands forward.

I kept my eyes trained on Alex all these time. He had his head bent downward for while before lifting them up. His eyes met with mine but neither of us looked away.

I maintained eye contact with him even when I felt the sting of the needle in my left hand. I could’ve hissed at the pain or show some sort of reaction, but my brain kept telling me that it was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside.

All that time he still had not said a word to me and it was killing me. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

Did he not think of me?, of what this behavior of his would make me feel. What on earth was going on with him.

“I’m sure this must be a bit scary for you”. Dr. Jones said with a smile. You bet it is, especially if your baby daddy is already acting funny when the baby isn’t even here yet. “But I know that at the same it’s exciting for you”. She continued smiling brightly.

Now in as much as I love Dr. Jones, she’s becoming a little too annoying for me. Why the hell has she been flashing warm smiles here and there. Like read the fucking elephant in the room. Couldn’t she see that I wasn’t clearly happy at the moment. It was beginning to piss me off for real.

I couldn’t tell her that though cause she had been nothing but nice to me. I just had to force a smile of my own and engage in the conversation. “Yes, it is exciting”. I replied.

“Of course. Just take it one day at a time. Eat whatever doesn’t upset your stomach, don’t stress so much and do well to come to the hospital. Alright love?”.

“Yes. Sure, thank you.” I responded tight lipped.

She had removed the syringe and pressed a wool on top of the spot to ease the bleeding. I took over from her to apply pressure on the bleeding spot while she moved a bit to gather her things.

The whole room was silent. It was as though Dr. Jones was the only one who ever had something to say. I looked back at Alex to find him already staring back at me. I searched his eyes for any emotion, for anything at all that would let me know what he was thinking.

Perhaps he was happy but he didn’t know how to react. I just wished he would just give me one sign, just one that he was okay with all of this and I would take it. He didn’t have to say anything. I would take whatever I could.

“Alright Lily, Don’t forget all I said and don’t forget to come to the hospital regularly for check up”. Dr. Jones said. I snapped my eyes back to her and responded with a small nod.

“Alright Alex. Please take care of her, Make sure she doesn’t stress over anything, make sure she eats regularly and comes to the hospital for regular check up”. Dr. Jones turned to Alex this time.

I quickly snapped my head towards him. Perhaps now he would react in some way.

Fuck me for being delusional. “Yes Doctor”. Were the only two words that came from him. The words were cold and sounded programmed, like he was a robot. I hated the way he sounded, his choice of words and how he even said them. The words were like what every other person could have just said. I wanted something that sounded like my Alex.

It seemed that Alex was also watching Dr. Jones because as soon as she was done packing, he stood up from where he was seated and accompanied her to the door.

I looked at the spot on the bed where he was previously seated, to find his butt print that was dug so deep. I wondered why that mattered but i guess I just needed a distraction from all these cause it was driving me crazy.

I turned to the door which I had expected to be closed by now to find Alex still standing there. His back was to me so I couldn’t quite understand what was going on.

“This is good news”. He finally turned towards me and for a moment I drilled to process what he just said.

When it registered it my heart and it made all of my body turn alive. I internally did a happy dance. Now here was what my Alex would say.

I knew he was happy about this. I just knew it but maybe he was just shy because of Dr. Jones and he didn’t know how to act around her.

When is Alex ever shy?, and because of Dr. Jones?!!. my subconscious tried to get me out of my fucking delusional world but I brushed her off.

I didn’t care whatever I was. I could be fucking delusional, crazy or mad but I didn’t care so long as it was for my Alex.

Alex is happy about our baby. I kept singing in my mind. I was about to run to him and hug him tightly when his next words made my whole body still. “This is good so that the press would stop writing blogs about our fake marriage.”

Alex Fucking Dankworth!!!. What a way to spoil the mood. How could he say that me?.

“What!!?”. I screamed at him the only word I could but there were so many other things I wanted to scream at his face. I was so angry. Why would he say such things me. Was this a sick joke?.

He had the audacity to look away from me as he continued. “You remember the reason why we tried making babies right?, so the press would actually believe we married for love. I hope it works when the news gets out so that all these wouldn’t be in vain”.

There it was. That was my Alex. These words came out of him fluently like he had rehearsed them a thousand times. He said them like they had no power or even if they did, he did not care about their effect.

So they would believe we married for love?.

I thought we were in love .

what was he saying that wouldn’t be in vain?. Was he talking about my child that way?. That having a child wouldn’t be in vain?. Did he not want this?.

Or was he talking about the time he spent with me?. Was this all I was to him all this time?, was it all a game?. All the time he said he loved me and made love to me, was it all for this?.

I know that this was the reason we tried having babies in the first place but along the ride, it didn’t feel like an assignment or a duty anymore. It felt like something made out of love or maybe it was just me.

Or maybe I was just delusional. My subconscious screamed at me again.

He finally had the nerve to look at me again. I was not like Alex. I was never able to hide my emotions like him.

I was broken and I couldn’t even conceal it. For once today I saw some sort of emotion on his face when he looked at me. He looked pained but was it because of me?. Did it hurt him to see me broken or was I just delusional again I screamed inside.

I didn’t care regardless. That wasn’t what I wanted to see. I wanted the cameras to come out already and tell me I was pranked and Alex would hug me tell me how happy he was.

I don’t learn. “Take care”. He said and turned away from me and walked out the door.

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to haul at him and claw his eyes out.

What the hell did he take me for ?. Who did he think he was to play with me like that.

Why did everyone think it was okay to play games with my feelings.

Alex was like a god. My own god. He had the power to control every aspect of me. I gave him that power, hoping he would never abuse it but even if he did, I still loved him.

Today for example. Look how he just changed my mood for the rest of the day or even for the rest of my life with just mere words. That was how much power he had over me.

But how could he.

I surrendered completely to him, with the hope that he would never hurt me. But he did, time and time again but I never learn.

It’s like I never learn that these men would always do what they want. They don’t care. They would even leave you in the desert without water.

I was just so stupid to expect better from a man. I was even more stupid to even expect in the first place.

My heart twisted in pain and I let the dam flow. I held my chest as I cried and wailed. The pain was too much for me.

All this time I thought he loved me as much I loved him, or even if he love me just a bit. That was enough for me.

I was just delusional , Insane and crazy to think Alex had changed, For Me. who did I think I was. Why would Alex even fall for someone like me. I was just a used rag doll.

I did not deserve love. I never did and I was just a girl trying to grasp at something that should only be my fantasy.

In as much as I wanted to hate Alex, I couldn’t because at least he had given me something that I would cherish forever.

I looked down at my stomach and smiled. ” I love you so much and I would never leave you”. I said while rubbing my stomach. I guess my baby was all I would ever have. If my baby was the only way I would experience love then so be it. I would pour all of my love on my baby.