My Love for You Broke Me

Chapter 37

It was a featherlike kiss.

It was so gentle and light that all I could smell was the alcohol coming from his lips.

As I melted into a puddle against him, he wrapped his arms around me to hold me up.

I timidly looked up at him as I was struck by the urge to ask if Merlin would be willing to date me and shower me with love.

Naturally, he could leave anytime like how he treated other women behind my back.

However, just as I was about to ask him the question, he suddenly deepened the kiss, making me hook my arms around his neck as I reciprocated the fiery kiss. Despite how fervent it was, there was no desire or emotions involved. We were merely people who were satisfying each other's urges.

Merlin only let go of me after what felt like a long time. As we stood inches apart from each other, he looked at me with seductive eyes as though he was the devil himself. I couldn't help but grin when I happened to catch a glimpse of the fire deep in his eyes. He then reached out to caress my cheek, "How did it taste?"

"It is not like I have never had alcohol before," I playfully told him.

He only wordlessly smiled as he took my hand and brought me out of the bar.

I was gasping for air by the time we reached the car. Looking at my pathetic appearance, he started the car and joked, "Just look at how protected you have been living, babe. I do have a question for you, though."

"What is it?" Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Merlin held the steering wheel with one hand and fastened the seat belt for me with the other. He was looking at me with serious eyes at this very second. Feeling a little uncomfortable in the presence of the serious Merlin, I quickly asked again, "What is your question?"

"How does it feel to kiss me?" he asked, the humor on his face gone.

I didn't know what to tell him.

If I had to describe it, I felt all sorts of emotions when our lips and tongues met, but there was definitely an absence of desire.

I only accepted his invitation because it was something that I knew could bring me joy, albeit for a short moment.

Furthermore, I didn't want to reject him.

He was the reason I came to Eldham, after all.

I chewed my lower lip as I gave it a thought, and I eventually gave him a brief and vague answer. "Fragrant."

"What was?" he asked with his eyes narrowed.

"The alcohol smelled nice."

He let out a scoff upon hearing that. "You good-for-nothing."

He then drove us to a place where we could have a meal together.

We ate and chatted about our current lives, and I learned that he had been living the same life as before. As Merlin asked me what my next plan was, I let out a melancholic sigh and said, "I don't want to go back to Bryxton for the time being."

There were a lot of people I didn't want to see there.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly told me to give him Clair's contact.

"What do you need it for?" I asked as I held onto a glass of water.

"I know a few professors who have contributed to the study of uterine cancer. I can introduce them to Clair." After a moment of silence, Merlin continued angrily, "You really are the dumbest person on earth, Ree. Why would you abuse your own body like this because of a man? As for the matter concerning Christopher… Are you sure you want to give up?"

I had told Merlin about everything I had experienced recently. In a way, I had found myself someone who would listen to my problems. I gave it a thought before saying, "I have been obsessed with him for 9 years. Of course I can't give up just because I want to. Merlin, it is more terrifying giving your sincere,

loving heart to the wrong person than having a 9-year obsession. I have nothing left now."

Even the last shattered bits of love I had for him was gone with the wind now.

"Nonsense. Don't you still have me?"

Upon hearing that, I turned to look at him with anticipating eyes and that, in turn, made him frown.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"To tell you the truth," I confessed, "I am looking to date someone who can get completely detached."

He didn't say anything in reply, and I knowingly got up and said, "Please send me back now."

Since the hotel wasn't far from the place we ate at, we decided to walk there. However, even after he had walked me back, I continued to stand at the entrance of the hotel as I hesitantly looked at him. He seemed to understand the look I was giving him as he asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"Merlin, I want to date you."

"Give me a reason why," he calmly said again.

And so I told him the true reason behind my odd request.

"I want to know how it feels to be loved and pampered. It is fine even if it isn't real."

I wanted to know how it felt to be someone else's treasure.

Our shadows looked long under the streetlights. He chuckled and reached out to gently flick me on my forehead then. "You silly girl," he smiled. "I can spoil you all you want. I'm sorry, though; I can't date you. What I want is an equal love. You don't even have a place for me in your heart."

I had thought that Merlin was the last person that would reject me, but he ended up refusing me as well.

He lowered his head to press a kiss on my temple. "We have known each other for so many years. I can pamper you, love you, be in a relationship with you like any other normal man, and I can even marry you if you want to. But do you love me?"

Merlin Craig, who had always insisted on not marrying, was actually telling me that he could marry me.

I had never imagined he would be so sincere with me.

Somewhat startled, I hurried out of his embrace as I blabbered, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a nuisance."

"Rest up. I will see you tomorrow." His smile remained plastered on his face when he lowered his gaze to look at me.

My head and heart were a mess after he left.

I felt as though I had provoked someone I couldn't afford to.

I never thought that he thought of me this way.

I eventually took my phone out to send him a message. 'Are you in love with me?'

If the answer was yes, I would have to leave Eldham instantly.

His reply came soon after. 'Not for now.'

After reading his message, I let out a sigh of relief despite not knowing if he meant what he said. Just as I was about to keep my phone, the car door of a black Maybach parked by the side of the road suddenly opened, and out came the face that was all too familiar to me.

Surprised, I exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

The man under the streetlamp had a cold expression on his face as he looked in the direction Merlin had gone off to. He then said sarcastically, "Does it make you happy to find men to date from the street, Renee?"

Did he just ask if I was happy doing this?!

He actually asked me the most important question there was.

I had been looking for someone to date, but I was always afraid that I would get someone who truly was in love with me.

Take Merlin for example—I was terrified he had feelings for me.

I was terrified that my absence would bring him excruciating pain. Furthermore, I couldn't reciprocate

his feelings.

The person I wanted to find was someone who wasn't stingy with his love, but was also someone who could keep his feelings at bay. I also wanted a man who could cut himself off from me anytime. This was the type of stress-free relationship I was looking for.

I had thought Merlin was my best choice just hours ago, but he ended up rejecting me because I didn't have romantic feelings for him.

It might be late, but I suddenly realized just how impossible a task it was to find someone to date.

I only sighed in reply. "It has got nothing to do with you."

I could only guess that it was either by chance, or that May was helping Nicholas for him to be so clear about my whereabouts. As I thought about it, I let out a cold chuckle. "You have completely tamed May, haven't you?"

Although I was talking to him, he only kept his eyes on my temple. He suddenly stepped over and started wiping my temple with all his might. I involuntarily took a step back and shrieked, "Have you gone crazy?!"

The impassive expression stayed on his face as he stayed quiet. He pulled me by the shoulders and caught me against his chest. The whole while, his palm kept rubbing against the same spot on my temple. Nicholas continued to ignore me even though I was screaming in pain.

I knew that he was mad about the fact that Merlin had pressed his lips on my temple.

He might seem aggressive now, but he was already holding himself back from exploding.

He wiped my temples for a long time before letting go of me. With a sigh, he pulled me into a tight, warm hug, and he asked in a low voice, "Can you please come to me if you want someone to date?"