Alpha's Blind Luna



***Ezekiel's POV***

I sat across Vale at desk in the office. We are both immersed in different paperwork. I could feel his gaze fall to me sometimes but I didn't look up, trying not to be distracted as much as I already was. This paperwork was important and it needed to be approved, signed, and submitted as soon as possible. Having my beautiful mate sitting across from me did not help. He had come home a couple weeks ago. It had been almost a month he was gone this time and I found that it never got easier to be away from him.

Worse, the pack house was quiet without him. Auri was gone. It already been years and I think both Vale and I had started to accept that the strongest person in our lives was gone forever. Not to mention Hector. He was always gone from the pack house. Suddenly though, he started to not take any of our calls, even from Pipsqueak. We knew something bad happened but Vale said he was still connected to the pack. So there was some semblance of hope. Lucy had moved into town with her mate and the two of them were heading up the hospital now.

Bryan was another story. He was alone now. I tried to kept him busy but he was wasting away. It got to the point where I started to send him with Vale when he left just so he would get some fresh air. Apparently, he only smiled every time he walked into the large library at the High Council. He received special permission to enter the library. Keeper Thomas and him hit it off so well that they could be found huddled in the corner debating some dumb history fact. It was hard to watch but he got older so much quicker without Auri or Hector to keep pace with. It frustrated me that Hector just left him alone; not checking in. Bryan always said it was fine but the hollow look in his eyes said otherwise.

I cursed, I'd read the same sentence three times now and I just wanted to kick something. Vale's prickling gaze was not helping.

"What Vale? You've been staring at me for an hour now."

Looking up, he was smiling sheepishly. I shook my head. My irritation could never hold against him. Not with his eyes nailing me to the chair, making my dick twitch.

"What do you think about having family?"novelbin

I blinked at him once, then twice, trying to see if he was serious. His face seemed to show he was, if not a bit embarrassed bringing it up. Setting the paper in my hand down, I laced my fingers together and I looked him in the eyes.

"It's something I've thought about over the years. You know that. We talk about it sometimes."

"But you haven't really said anything about it outside that you've always wanted one."

I sighed. “I can barely get time for you to myself. You're bouncing between here, the High Council, or different packs. As much I would like pups, to have a family, I honestly never thought you were ready for it."

A frown covered his face. He looked down at the papers on the desk in front of him. "I want to stay here. I want to be here all the time." "But..."

"The world is exploding."

I chuckled and nodded. "Now just doesn't seem to be the right time. That's okay. I don't mind waiting, Vale. I'm not that old."

"We don't know how long I have, Zeke."

My eyes looked over him as his face fell. I knew what was bothering him. The conversation we have a couple of weeks ago. It was still bothering him now. My lips pressed on a line and I let my eyes fall as I leaned back in my chair.

"I don't want to be left without you Vale."

"You might not have a choice, Zeke."

Clicking my tongue, I let out an exasperated breath. I regretted finding those journals. Auri was meticulous in her notes about everything. Her handwriting perfect as most everything she deemed important was written down by hand. I'd found some old journals of hers, ones that were placed in a way to tell me no one was supposed to find them. At least, not unless someone was cleaning out the pack house. I'd just happened to be looking for some information and knocked over some books, creating a domino effect that revealed their hiding spot.

There were five journals in all. Four were written accounts of her life, from when she was just a child all the way till she moved out here with us. I'd read the four and I had been horrified. The things she had been through. The accounts that differed so drastically from the accounts in the history books. I nearly fell back into a depression. The fact that Auri knew what she was doing, having been through it before, when she took my place. She didn't deserve that all again. But over and over, she picked herself back up. Over and over she stepped forward when I don't think even the strongest would have. I envied her, admired her, and was in complete awe of her. The journals though highlighted every detail, including things that kept me up at night. I hadn't told Vale, or anyone about them. Those I now kept in my personal safe; away from everyone.

The last book was more of a theory book. Random thoughts that she was looking into it. Or had done research on in the past. These I did share with Vale. Some of them were silly. The major one cropping up with the library of Alexandria and the possibility that it had survived. Vale even knew of this slight obsession but not to the extent that she had been searching for it in her free time. However, one theory had taken us not just by surprise, but shook us to the core.

In the past, the new Alpha King was born when the previous Alpha King died. That was the base understanding. There would always be an Alpha King. Once one died, the next was born. Auri was the first Alpha King to survive after giving birth to an Alpha King. It was also the first time that in centuries that the Alpha King had been born within the same family.

She said it didn't make sense though. Yes, she technically died when Vale was born but that Vale, was stronger, grew faster, was already presenting as more of an Alpha than their first born son. That was unheard of in itself. Following that theory, Auri believed Vale was always the Alpha King, conceived as the new Alpha King. Meaning, the death of an Alpha King was not the spark of the birth of a new Alpha King. But rather, the birth of the new Alpha King, marked the death of the old one.

This theory hit us hard, Vale especially. It meant that as Alpha King you could not control your death. The one thing that if you were safe and stayed hidden, it still didn't guarantee you lived till old age. Instead, if a pup presented strong Alpha aura it could mean the end of Vale. No matter what he did. Unless, somehow like Auri, he managed to survive. However, she was never meant to be the Alpha King in the first place. That alone might have been enough to save her.

I knew Vale tried to play it down. How much it scared him. We had no control over our deaths really but we also act safer as to not put our lives in danger. Vale was struggling that even if he threw his life away, it wouldn't end unless a new Alpha king was conceived. In that same vein, even if he did office work for the rest of his life, he could die in six months if a pup was conceived. Now, I could see his fear. See it in wanting to live his life as much as possible now.

"Zeke..."

I tore my eyes from my own hands where I had zoned out. His own hands, clasped together as he rested his chin on them.

"Vale, I know..."

"I want to have a family, Zeke. I want to use this time I have. If it means I cut my time going to the High Council, delegate more, then so be it. It's already hard being away from you. I just..."

My hand reached out and I cupped his cheek. "I know, Vale. Between feeling the turmoil in you and knowing how much I hate when you leave, I understand. I do."

Reaching into the desk, Vale pulled out a red folder. His fingers tapped it and he was chewing on his cheek.

"Vale?"

He sighed and slid the folder to me. "While I was gone last time, I ran into some issues at a pack. They had a bad attack. It left a lot of pups without parents."

Opening up the folder, I glanced over the paperwork. There was a page on the left side with multiple pages of information. They were mates, the man being a Beta of the pack. His mate was actually of Alpha blood in a separate pack. Their picture showed their smiling faces but I knew from the context they had died. The two pages on right had a little information about their pups. Twins, a boy and a girl, who were left without a family. They had a small amount to their name which it looked like was being offered with each of them. However, the two of them were only three months old.

"They have no one, Zeke. The pack is ill equipped to handle how many children are left and the Alpha can't take on his Beta's pups because he has five of his own. His Luna also passed..." Vale trailed off.

I stared down at pictures of the two pups, wrapped in blankets. "Vale..."

"I know. I just...I wanted to talk to you about it. It's not ideal. Especially now but we are more equipped here than the entire pack. I want to start this with you. I want to build my life with you for however long we have."

Vale's voice was sad as he got up. He came over to me and got down on his knee. "It's been a few years since we've mated. It's been crazy and not at all smooth but if anything, now, you and I, are stronger for it. I want this with you."

"You're scared..."

"Of course, I'm scared. I'm scared of leaving you. Scared that I won't have the time I want or need with you. I don't want to regret that didn't do anything because we were scared. That we were afraid at every turn that I might die."

I looked down at the folder. “I'm scared you're going to leave me alone, Vale."

He smiled and cupped my face this time, brushing his thumb across my skin. "I know, little Alpha. With pups though, you don't be alone. Hell, we can't guarantee our lives anyways. Our time can still be cut short. Yours and mine. But that can't rule out lives. We still need to live." Vale closed the folder in my lap. "It doesn't need to be now. It only just seemed like a good opportunity to help. If we aren't ready, we aren't ready. I just wanted to have this conversation with you."

I nodded, not speaking. This was a lot to put on me at once. As much as I wanted to just jump on board, there was a high possibility I would end up raising kids alone. I knew we would have to adopt but now it seemed so far away.

He stroked my cheek and pressed his lips to mine. I couldn't help it, the sparks ignited me and even in the turmoil I responded passionately. He brought me out of my spiral and as he broke, touched his forehead to mine.

"Give me some time, Vale. It's a lot."

"I know. This is a decision for us. Not just me or you."

Giving him a quick peck, I placed the folder on the desk and headed out of the office. Leaving Vale to continue his work, I headed out of the pack house. I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and headed out to the rocks. Vale hated when I smoked, I think it was because it reminded him of the struggle that his mom went through. It, however, reminded me of our long secret chats when she was hiding from Bryan, Hector, or Vale. We would talk about everything and nothing. Some things we talked about only fell into place after I read her journals. Taking a drag, I sat perched on a rock, looking out at the sea.

Two things were happening. Yes, Vale was right. We shouldn't live every day afraid like one of us was going to die. Technically we all were, so it didn't make sense that we fear every day. We could never know if an Alpha King was conceived, so it could all come as a surprise anyways. But at the same time, Vale was still making this push out of fear. Fear of what he would be missing, regret not doing.

While that was a 'live every day to the fullest' kind of mentality, it scared me. I would be left without Vale. Surviving without him was not something I was willing to do. Having children, complicated that. Vale would have to leave but we wouldn't. I knew I had the love and the support system of my pack. But was it my pack without Vale. Until the new Alpha King took over, maybe, but then where would I belong. Our kids would have this place. Be whatever they wanted but I would be nothing without Vale. That scared me, more than anything.

I would be alone. As alone as Auri felt. She struggled with it. Her kids grown, her finding ways to help was the only way to keep her from falling. Being without Logan felt like a hole, one that loneliness dug into and corrupted her, she used to say. I wondered if she found peace, after Logan getting removed from her bond. If she could finally breathe.

I love Vale and I would be by his side always. He completed me. On my own I was strong but once you had your mate, you became thirds. One being you, yourself. Two bring your wolf. Three being your mate. All parts of the same soul.

I remember talking with some gypsy werewolves when I was young. They spoke of the mate bond both as the greatest gift and a terrible curse. I didn't understand when I was younger. Mates were loving and the relationship ideal that every wolf wanted. Something you longed for in your life. Now, it all made sense. I'd read through Alpha King Odin and Alpha Eros' journals while at the High Council. It was more apparent there, especially since Alpha King Odin died only ten years into their relationship. Alpha Eros' journals in the end were a stark reminder of the curse when one is left alone. Hell, I could see it Bryan every day.

"Mind if I bum one?"

I didn't look up, passing the box and the lighter to the outstretched hand. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, the smoke pouring out, I grimaced. Auri would slap me right now. She would say of course you want kids. Now. Not only to take advantage of our time but because those pups needed us. They were alone in this world. It being far too cruel to them than it should have been. Chuckling, I shook my head.

"Amused?"

"Just thinking that Auri would slap me if I said any of the thoughts I was thinking out loud."

There was a low rumble behind me. "I think she'd slap you for calling her Auri and not Mom."